This resolution came to me by way of Jim O'Brien, the regional director of YoungLife in Central Pennsylvania. Perfect success for a YoungLife area (and therefore, a YoungLife leader), seems like it should be fairly straight-forward - "Every adolescent will have the opportunity to meet Jesus Christ and follow Him." Unfortunately, I never took a camp trip with 100% of the kids at State College High School... but we did fill 2 coach buses with kids. I've been at an embarrassing amount of YoungLife Clubs where leaders outnumbered kids... but we got to know those few kids really well. And one time I organized a road rally and not a single kid showed up... but, well actually there really wasn't really an up-side to this one. So obviously, not perfect successes. But were they failures? How do you decide how to feel, how to improve, IF you even need to improve, or if you should just give up? As a leader, I often felt that I was never off-duty - there was always another basketball game I could be going to, another weekend afternoon that I really should be calling girls to hang out.

Jim O'Brien challenged us to "define the win" - to decide in advance what a win was for our ministry for a particular time-frame. It might be that we'd need to meet a certain amount of new kids before starting club in the fall. It might be as simple as all of the leaders making it over to the high school at some point during the week. It might be that we all actually take time to pray about the kids we're hoping to meet. The "win" can be different for each YoungLife area, each YoungLife leader. But at the end of the day/week/month/year, you have a pretty good idea of how you sized up against your expectations. Sometimes this means realizing that you didn't work as hard as you could have, and some of the time, it means realizing that you actually did pretty okay. And it means giving yourself some time to relax without feeling that there's something that you could/should be doing.

Nowadays, I find myself with a similar struggle. Our new house isn't all unpacked yet. I have a curtain rod up with one small piece of curtain that I'm pretty sure I don't like and don't even know if I need curtains there. Our bedroom has no decorations. Our garage is a mess. In addition, I have a husband whose love languages are backrubs and baked goods, but yet I rarely rub or bake for him. I have a daughter who loves to be read to, and I find myself reading only to her before nap/bedtimes. My prayer life is nearly extinct. And honestly, I wish that I could sit and design party invitations all day long.

I desperately desperately desperately long for the feeling of laying on the couch at 8pm to know that EVERYTHING that can be done is done, and that I am fully deserving of doing NOTHING. I told my dad this a while back, and he laughed at me. I guess with the combination of adulthood, parenthood, and house-owner-hood comes lots of unfinished things... And honestly, I think that stinks.

I worry that my desire to finish things around the house means that I put off things like reading to Leah, making cookies for Luke, or talking with our 92 year old neighbor Mrs. Fink. And more importantly, it means that I am never content.

But I think that defining the win of each day will help me to feel that 8pm feeling I'm desperate for. A win for me is different every day. On Friday, it was to get my normal Friday chores done, go outside with Leah, and make sure that the guest bedroom and bathroom was ready for Luke's mom. Today a win for me was enjoying the day with Luke's mom and making dinner.

And as I sit here at 9:16pm, with a toy-cluttered living room and laundry in the dryer, I feel surprisingly content knowing that today was a win and I can make dealing with that other stuff a win for tomorrow.