Gretchen Rubin, the inspiration for my resolution journey, has a resolution she calls "no calculation." She talks about reminding herself to not to keep score, not to stint on love and generosity, and not to keep track of who's done what.

When I read her post about this one, I felt like she was writing about me.

I have a great memory. I rarely need to look at our family address book when I'm addressing cards, because I remember most of the addresses of most of the people we write to. I almost never use the phone book in my phone to call people because it's faster for me to type in the number than scroll down to find the person's name. In fact, my mom's & dad's numbers aren't even in my phone. I remember what Luke has worn on most of the nights that we've gone out in the last few months.

Unfortunately, I also remember almost everything else that he has and hasn't done in the last few months.

A couple of months ago, I felt the need to call him at work (which I really never do because he checks email all the time) to tell him that he ALWAYS leaves me with 1/8 tank of gas after taking the car for a bike trip/race/etc. Now first of all, this was only the second time this had EVER happened. But apparently those two times deserved the ALWAYS word. I know that he felt so badly about it (and I knew he would. that's why I couldn't wait to tell him. it's fun to hurt people that you love the most, especially when you know they won't hurt you back.)

Our marriage has been filled with me saying "always" and "never." You always forget to put your oatmeal measuring cup in the dishwasher. You never push the scale back in. You never pay enough attention to me. You never tell me I look nice.

The absolute worst part of being a counter (or being married to one) is that you're guilty before you've even done something. I start getting mad at Luke about the measuring cup when I hear him getting the oatmeal out of the pantry. He hasn't done anything yet, but already I'm mad. And then, if I come down and see the measuring cup, I'm twice as mad, because now it's like he's done this twice in one day. There are lots of people in my life that I "know" are going to say something or do something, and the same thing happens. I'm mad before they do it, mad afterwards, and now I'm magically twice as mad. Ridiculous.

Now back to my husband. Some of you (the 3.4 of you who read this blog), might be saying "that's all you've got? he forgets to put his measuring cup in the dishwasher?"

I'm here today to set the record straight:

EVERY morning, Luke keeps an eye on Leah while I get a few minutes in the shower.

EVERY day, I get at least one email telling me that he's thinking about me/loves me/is excited to see me.

EVERY NIGHT he plays with Leah again while I take care of getting dinner around, and
EVERY EVERY NIGHT takes care of all of the dishes, wipes down the table and even sometimes cleans up Leah's toys while I'm putting her to bed.

EVERY NIGHT he thanks me for making dinner and tells me how yummy it was (even if it was one of the 6 meals we have all the time.)

If we are eating brownies, LUKE baked them. And we eat brownies a lot. And he NEVER says anything about how I cut myself one really long thin piece during the day instead of a square to make it look like I didn't eat any.

EVERY NIGHT he listens to whatever stupid update I have about how many garbanzo beans I found under Leah's high chair, or about what I hated about today's costco trip, or about the hysterical youtube video I watched. He ALWAYS listens. And I have a lot of really really really mundane insignificant things to talk about. ALWAYS.

EVERY NIGHT he feeds the cats, empties the litter boxes, plays with the cats, and every week trims their nails. And in 2006, I promised that he would never have to do any of those things because I wanted a cat. Do you know how many times he's told me that? Not one time.

EVERY NIGHT I go up to bed, and he walks around the house to turn off lights and lock doors. EVERY NIGHT I complain about how long it takes him to get to bed. Weird.

EVERY NIGHT he comforts me when I'm frustrated about Leah crying for 37 seconds. And I know that he ALWAYS prays for Leah and I when we're having a rough night.

Sometimes when I know I've done something a lot that bothers him (not throwing things away, leaving laundry out, stealing his bike clothes hangers, leaving dirty diapers out, leaving craft projects out for weeks, leaving mail in the car, forgetting to do the one thing he needed help with), I think, crap, I've done this like 32 times. But he NEVER remembers that. And he ALWAYS thanks me when I do things, like fill the soap dispensers or... gosh I don't know what else I really do.

Anyway, for joy resolution #11, I'm going to stop counting the 3 things I'm annoyed by, and start counting the google-plex+1 things that Luke (and others) do for me every day.