I'm sick of cereal. Well, I'm sick of the cereal that I should eat - I probably would not be sick of Honey Smacks, Corn Pops, or Cocoa Puffs, but I am really sick of Cheerios.

So last weekend, for a little breakfast variety, I picked up some "Lower Sugar" Quaker Instant Oatmeal in the Strawberries & Cream and Peaches & Cream varieties. When I was younger (last year) I used to eat this stuff straight out of the packet - no water, no spoon required - just pour the dry oats right into my mouth. Now that I'm much older and obviously much more refined, I eat it the correct way.

As I was trying to decide between Strawberries and Peaches yesterday, I glanced at the nutrition facts for both, wondering if one was better for you than the other... As I skimmed down to the ingredients, I saw the following:

Strawberries & Cream - WHOLE GRAIN ROLLED OATS (WITH OAT BRAN), SUGAR, FLAVORED FRUIT PIECES (DEHYDRATED APPLES [TREATED WITH SODIUM SULFITE TO PROMOTE COLOR RETENTION], ARTIFICIAL STRAWBERRY FLAVOR, CITRIC ACID, RED 40), CREAMING AGENT (MALTODEXTRIN, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL, WHEY, SODIUM CASEINATE), SALT, CALCIUM CARBONATE, GUAR GUM, OAT FLOUR, ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, CITRIC ACID, NIACINAMIDE*, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, REDUCED IRON, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE*, RIBOFLAVIN*, THIAMIN MONONITRATE*, FOLIC ACID*. *ONE OF THE B VITAMINS CONTAINS MILK INGREDIENTS.

Peaches & Cream - WHOLE GRAIN ROLLED OATS (WITH OAT BRAN), SUGAR, CREAMING AGENT (MALTODEXTRIN, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL, WHEY, SODIUM CASEINATE), FLAVORED FRUIT PIECES (DEHYDRATED APPLES [TREATED WITH SODIUM SULFITE TO PROMOTE COLOR RETENTION], ARTIFICIAL PEACH FLAVOR, CITRIC ACID, ANNATTO COLOR), SALT, CALCIUM CARBONATE (A SOURCE OF CALCIUM), GUAR GUM, ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, NIACINAMIDE*, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, REDUCED IRON, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE*, RIBOFLAVIN*, THIAMIN MONONITRATE*, FOLIC ACID*. *ONE OF THE B VITAMINS CONTAINS SOY AND MILK INGREDIENTS.

Moral of the story - there are no strawberries, no peaches, and no cream in the Strawberries & Cream or Peaches & Cream Quaker Instant Oatmeal. Only apples and creaming agents... What a hoax.

Next they'll be telling me that liversausage is really made out of apples too.